Demigod Therapy, Uncensored
by pugswanthugs
Summary: Percy and all his friends have been caught by the mortals, who see their saving of the world being robbing a bank, killing 3 men, and disturbing the peace of the public. Join Dr. Greenwood's quest for sanity as she attempts to give the demigods therapy.
1. Chapter 1

**One day Percy, Thalia, Annabeth, Grover, and a few other friends were arrested and brought to therapy for being 'loopy' [quote New Jersey policeman].**

Dr. Hannah Greenwood, Therapist, is now talking to suspect no. 1.

Dr: Hello

Percy: *Sticks his tongue out at Dr. Greenwood.*

Dr: What's your name?

Percy: *Sigh* Percy.

Dr: Can I please have your full name?

Percy: Why?

Dr: Because I don't have it on file.

Percy: And you're not gonna tell anyone, right? It's hush-hush, you know? After the Titan war, some people are out for revenge. Especially the Minotaur. I killed him twice…

Dr: *Hesitates* Uh… sure…

Percy: Percy Jackson

Dr: Thanks. Now tell me about yourself.

Percy: Why?

Dr: Because it's good to know about people, especially if they're your friends.

Percy: But you're not my friend.

Dr: Yes, I am-

Percy: I'm bored, can I leave?

Dr: No, you may not-

Percy: *Gets up and leaves.*

**Five minutes later an irritated Annabeth arrives (more so is dragged into) in Dr. Greenwood's office.**

Dr: Hi

Annabeth: *Stares at Dr. Greenwood thoughtfully*

Dr: Excuse me?

Annabeth: Wonder if there should be an arch at the gateway to Olympus' Throne Room…. Oh, sorry?

Dr: What's your name?

Annabeth: Okay, why should I tell you? Better yet, why should you know? You know what scratch that: Why the Hades am I here?

Dr: *mutters to herself, 'Hades?'* Because you and your friends were caught and arrested for robbing a bank, killing three men, and disturbing the public.

Annabeth: Hades, woman! I saved your sorry butts from the end of the world! I was helping the gods… oh sorry I meant my uncles. They're uh…. Superheroes…. And they had to save the world.

Dr: Okay…. *o.O* tell me your name.

Annabeth: Okay, you won't tell anybody right?

Dr: Yes

Annabeth: Really really?

Dr: Really really.

Annabeth: Really really really really really?

Dr: (slightly strained) I'm positive I'm really really really really really really not going to tell anyone your name.

Annabeth: Okay. I'm Annabeth Chase.

Dr: Tell me about your life.

Annabeth: Well I grew up with my dad, I never saw my mom a lot, and now I'm being accused of robbing a bank and the other stuff.

Dr: Tell me about your mom.

Annabeth: Well, she's smart, intelligent, nice, smart, brainiacy-ish, and did I mention a sheer genius?

Dr: Do you measure your happiness out of smarts?

Annabeth: Yes.

Dr: Okay we'll have to work on that next session…

Annabeth: Next session? Hades, chick, I am barely making it through this session.

Dr: Okay…. But tell me your mother's name.

Annabeth: No.

Dr: Please tell me.

Annabeth: Well too bad I'm out. *Gets up and leaves before Dr. Greenwood can protest*

**Next dragged in was Thalia, who was about to rip off Will Solace's head for saying Apollo is better than Artemis.**

Dr: Hello

Thalia: *Gives her a glare* Do you like boys?

Dr: Uh… yes?

Thalia: Good! Arte- I mean my lawyer will turn you into a jackalope without any regrets. Then she said I'll get to shoot you! *Pulls her bow and arrows out of thin air (A/N Hunters can do this, I think…) and smiles happily*

Dr: Uh… didn't you have your weapons confiscated?

Thalia: Yes.

Dr: Then why do you have a bow and arrows in your hand?

Thalia: Cuz I'm magical.

Dr: Okay…?

Thalia: Do you want a demonstration?

Dr: No I don't think that will be necessary-

Thalia: *Stands up, picks apple off of Doctor Greenwood's desk, sets it on her head, and goes to the other end of the room (30 feet away). Takes aim and shoots the apple off.* Awesome huh?

Dr: *shaking* Right….. Good job I'll speak to you… later….

Thalia: Yay! Will Solace didn't leave yet, right? *says darkly*

**Next to come into Dr. Underwood's office is Grover Underwood, who is shaking.**

Dr: Hi, Grover

Grover: H-how do you k-k-know my name?

Dr: Because people were consoling you as you cried.

Grover: O-Oh. Do you have any tin cans handy?

Dr: … Why?

Grover: W-why do you think?

Dr: *Grabs a finished can of root beet off of her desk and hands to Grover*

Grover: *Immediately starts chewing it nervously*

**(Grover's session ended early because he was tied up in a straightjacket and sent back to the demigod's huge cell that they shared)**

**Today's session with all of the suspects ended early as Dr. Greenwood had to leave early because her associate said that if she had to handle another patient like Thalia Hannah would have to go to a therapist herself.**

**Haha that was soooooo good. Can't wait till the next campers come out. Maybe Thalia's lawyer will come… :3 Enjoy! R, R, and R! [Read, review, reread!]**

**~pugswanthugs~**


	2. Chapter 2

**The next day Dr. Greenwood is feeling refreshed and is ready to give the demigods [delinquents to the mortal's eyes] another try at therapy.**

**First up for the day is Nico, who is threatening to send in skeletons and sent her to Tartarus.**

Dr: Hello

Nico: *rolls eyes*

Dr: Hello, what's your name?

Nico: My name is… snuffaluffagus!

Dr: What's your name? I will call you… snuffaluffagus if you want to but I need your name for my files.

Nico: You really want to know?

Dr: Yes.

Nico: Why?

Dr: Because it's my job.

**(For the next ten minutes Nico insists on hearing the history of frying pans before he'll talk. Dr. Greenwood obliges and explains all she knows about frying pans.)**

Dr: (strained) Now will you tell me your name?

Nico: Okay it's Nico. I'm bored. *calls on a group of skeletons to play poker with*

Dr: Uh….. what did you just… *rubs eyes* um….

Nico: Are we done?

Dr: … okay.

**Next in is Will Solace, who is badly beaten from another argument with Thalia.**

Dr: Hi

Will: Hi

Dr: What's your name?

Will: I'm Will. Wanna hear a poem?

Dr: Uh… okay?

Will: I am so awesome,

This is so very stupid,

I am super hot.

Dr: Okay, do you like poetry?

Will: Yeah! I've been making these haikus all day! I'll read you all of them. *pulls out huge list of haikus*

*1 Hour Later, Dr. Greenwood is falling asleep as Will drawls on with his last haiku*

Will: How were they?

Dr: Uh…. Hmm?

Will: How were the haikus?

Dr: Great…

Will: Okay I'm gonna go cuz I need to make a list of limericks for next time.

*Runs back to cell excitedly*

**Next to be questioned was Thalia again. She was kicking and screaming because she wanted her lawyer.**

Dr: Hi.

Thalia: Hi, stupid person.

Dr: Tell me about your life?

Thalia: How about I tell you something about your life? In the next week, you'll be a jackalope!

Dr: (Nervously) Okay….

Thalia: I beat the Hades out of Will today! He couldn't even shoot an arrow for his life either!

**Knock on the door. Thalia gets it excitedly. There stood her lawyer, in a green jacket and jeans. **

Thalia: Hi Lady Artemis. Ready to turn some people into jackalopes?

Thalia's Lawyer: Maybe.

Thalia: She likes boys!

Thalia's Lawyer: *Frowns and scowls* Why?

Dr: Uhh….. did I do something wrong?

Thalia and Thalia's Lawyer: Yes!

Dr: Um…

Thalia's Lawyer: Thalia's right. You are a stupid person. I will not regret turning you into a jackalope.

Dr: What!

Thalia's Lawyer: *Waves Hand and Dr. Greenwood shrinks into a jackalope.*

Thalia: May I?

Thalia's Lawyer: Yes, you may.

Thalia: *pulls out bow and arrows, shoots the jackalope/Dr. Greenwood.*

**Thalia was chained up against a wall shortly afterwards, where her lawyer was as well (A/N I don't wanna hear, 'Goddesses can magically escape!' okay? Let's assume the chains are magical.) Then Dr. Greenwood's associate, Dr. Smith prepared to question the group of suspects again. While the second round of interrogations happened, more delinquents were found, making a total of seven.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Soo sorry I haven't updated... but comedy only comes when it wants to, ya know?**

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><p><strong>An hour and some aspirin later, the next suspect is due for interviewing.<strong>

Artemis: Stupid males... always feeling dominant...

Smith: Excuse me?

Artemis: Dumb boy... what?

Smith: I guess we're starting at your problem with the male species... So why don't you like males?

Artemis: Why WOULD you like males? They're filthy, digusting, stupid, annoying, promiscuous, and cheating!

Smith: Am I filthy, disgusting, stupid, annoying, promiscuous, and cheating?

Artemis: Yes.

Smith: (sighs and moves on to another bullet point on his checklist) Okay, and you think you're a goddess?

Artemis: I AM a goddess, mortal. (she sniffs)

Smith: What's your name?

Artemis: Why should I tell you that, mortal?

Smith: Because I asked?

Artemis: Damn straightjacket... (Struggles with the straitjacket she's been put in after killing the other therapist)

**S****mith is frustrated and sends the 'goddess' back to her rubber room.**

**Thalia is put in the hot seat. She's also in a straightjacket.**

Thalia: What do _you _want? (Annoyed)

Smith: Do you think your redhead accomplice is a goddess?

Thalia: She IS a goddess.

Smith: *facepalm* Dear God, you people are _insane! _

Thalia: (PO'd) Zaps him with static electricity*

Smith: Ow! Ow! Ouch! *mutters* Shoulda had those sockets fixed a long time ago...

Thalia: Laughs to her self and struggles with her straightjacket. Her eyes perk up as she gets an idea.

Smith: *Goes to the mirror to get the grime from the zap off his face*

Thalia: *Pulls out the knife in her sleeve and starts hacking at the ties in her straitjacket*

Smith: Turns around to Thalia holding the same rock that hit him earlier.**

Thalia: Artemis. IS. A. Goddess. *growls* and hits him in the head with the rock. She is sent away.


	4. Pneumonia Sucks

**Ohhhkayy... I have bad news- I've got bronchitis and pneumonia... so I won't be updating for a while. I currently feel like **** and have a migraine, but you readers are important to me, so I had to let you know I can't write for a while. I will miss you! And if you have any ideas, suggestions, OC submissions (If this isn't an OC story, then ignore that last part, I'm writing one A/N for all of my stories) or other notes, feel free to review or Private Message. I'm really sorry to be sick, guys, but I hope to see you soon.**

**~pugswanthugs**


	5. RIP

**Thalia is immediately tasered, which has no effect on her at all. She is subsequently pepper-sprayed and shoved back into her cell. MORE advil later, Doctor Smith is ready for another wacko.**

Dr Smith: Hello

Leo: Hi

Smith: You seem nice. All your friends have been utter weirdos

Leo: DID YOU JUST DIS MY FRIENDS?

Smith: No, no I was just-

**Smith is interrupted by his pants catching on fire. Leo cackles as the guards race to put it out.**

**The advil bottle is only a quarter full as the next patient is brought in.**

Dr Smith (weakly): Hello

Piper: *growls as she squirms in her handcuffs*

Smith: Um... so what would you like to talk about?

Piper: Would you like to let me go?

Smith: (mesmerized) Of course. GUARDS! We are done here.

**Another loon is dragged in.**

Smith: *silent*

Jason: I made a poem

Smith: *groans*

Jason: Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're an idiot, I really hate you! *electrocutes Smith and is dragged out laughing*

**RIP Dr. Hans Smith. He died of an advil overdose and shock from an electrocution. After the subjects are shipped off to Europe for further treatment, his replacement will be Dr. Greta Zeinmurch. She has a renowned history of curing psychopaths, sociopaths, and maniacs, along with a history of interrogations on war prisoners from WW II. Tuesday will be her 86th birthday.**

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><p><strong>Ahahahaha I couldn't resist! Well, anyhoo, I'm back now, so NEVERFEAR! MORE CHAPTERS ARE NEAR!<strong>


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